Superwoman Trap
Ladies, have you fallen into the Superwoman Trap? Are you a woman who operates on overload because you spread yourself too thin? Or if you are a male reading this, perhaps this sounds like your wife, sister or mother?
Women are well known for trying to be all things to all people. We are cooks, maids, chauffeurs, teachers, and on top of all that, many of us also have careers outside of the home. Why do we feel the need to be Superwoman? We superwomen are so determined to do everything perfectly, we lose sight of the physical and mental toll it takes on us. I know how difficult it can be to relinquish control. However, if you want to hold on to the last bit of sanity you have left, you must allow others to take on some of the household and work responsibilities.
The bottom line here is we’ve all got to juggle competing priorities - work, family, personal goals and so on. But it is equally important to remember to take time for self. As women we don’t take time for self as often as we should and we pay for it big time. We pay with our health, peace of mind, emotional well-being and the quality of our relationships.
If you are a superwoman who needs to take off the cape, I invite you to take some time out this week and think about one thing that you can do to take off the superwoman cape - or at least put it down for awhile. Try to get in the habit of taking 15 to 30 minutes each morning to get back in tune with you. When you put yourself at the top of your ‘to do’ list you feel less ‘dazed and confused’ and life becomes more manageable.
The ability to delegate tasks is equally valuable at home and at work, and it is a vital skill employed by many successful managers and mothers. There is a significant amount of guilt felt by mothers who work away from the home. We beat ourselves up about not spending enough time with our children, and worry that the lack of time we spend with them will keep us from forming strong bonds. We often feel the need to compensate for having children by bringing work home or pushing ourselves harder. We need to prove that raising young kids will not harm our career. We’ll work from our children’s bedtime until the wee hours of the morning, or get up before everyone else and get a few things done before taking the kids to school. Sometimes we aggravate our spouses or partners by working in the evenings or over the weekend.
Many women push themselves too hard to do something that can wait until another day. They seem to get into situations that created more stress than could really be handled, placing unnecessary physical and emotional strains on themselves as well as others.
Why do we do these things? We either fail to realise or don’t want to believe that it is physically impossible for us to accomplish everything we task ourselves (or have been tasked) with. To stay mentally and physically healthy, we need to learn how to better manage our time. It has been said that the best way to manage your time is to prioritise and delegate.
A good friend of mine helped me begin the process of letting go of the need to be Superwoman. She advised me that other people may not do things the way I do them, but that only means they do things differently, not poorly. For example, the father might not bathe the kids the way you would, but they get clean and probably have a lot of fun in the process. This is also true at the office. A co-worker might not present to a client the way you would, but they can probably articulate the company’s message in a manner that could lead to getting the job done effectively.
Pushing ourselves to do everything can lead to frustration, resentment, poor performance, and illness. Not to mention the constant guilt we feel when we are thinking of things we need to get done at work while attending to our children’s needs. When we acknowledge that we may not have the ability to complete all the tasks on our ‘to do’ list in the time we would like, and we put our trust in others to assist us, we give ourselves a chance to do the most important tasks well and keep our sanity in the process.
How can we honour our lives in the moment, identify what’s draining us and retrain friends and family to respect our energy constraints and priorities? Stay tuned for next post on some tips to avoid the superwoman trap.
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Wow, there is so much truth in your words. I just found your website and will be a faithful reader to the words of such a wise young woman. Thanks for sharing such great news.